Things have got to change. But first, you’ve gotta get mad!… You’ve got to say, ‘I’m as mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore!’ Then we’ll figure out what to do about the depression and the inflation and the oil crisis. But first get up out of your chairs, open the window, stick your head out, and yell, and say it: “I’M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I’M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!”
-Howard Beale, Network (1976)
Don’t you ever want anything more for yourself? I know this poor hapless son of a bitch does. I look into his sorry doe eyes and I just, I see a man crying out. He’s crying out, “When Lord? When the fuck can your servant ditch this foul-mouthed little chucklehead to whom I am a constant victim of his folly, so much so that it prevents him from ever getting to kiss a girl! Fuck! When, Lord when? WHENS GONNA BE MY TIME?”
-Holden, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (2001)
Tears of Unfathomable Sadness
We are Ole Miss. We just completed the most painful season in recent athletic history. Our football team’s 0-8 SEC record, along with no bowl game, meant that we finally got around to canning the under-qualified D-Line coach that we never should have hired in the first place. Andy Kennedy’s squad went from “being one of six undefeated teams left in college basketball” to the NIT, for a respectable, if underwhelming, run at the title that ended in the Final Four. Basebal,l unfortunately, underperformed comparable to expectations. These things happen.
Unfortunately, they happen more often at Oxford than anywhere else among the BCS schools. Gaze across Lafayette county, and you’re looking at a community that is missing more than just cold beer sales. You’re looking at the home of the only BCS program to see neither a bowl game nor an NCAA tournement invite in the last four years. The Lone Ranger of sorrow, underperformance, letdowns, and more.
I can’t blame the coaches, and I wouldn’t dare blame the players. Ed did what he could; it was just that, predictably, he wasn’t a very good gameday coach. It’s not like it was on his resume (head coaching experience, that is). Ole Miss was lambasted on sports networks for that hire, and humiliated when they turned out to be right.
Kennedy is building a program. Bianco has built a program, and like I said, the team had a bad year. What’s really dragging our programs down is mismanagement at a higher level.
A while back, I wrote a column in the DM criticizing our administration for anemic fundraising efforts during the expansion of O-U Stadium. Remember delaying the start of construction? Remember how it had something to do with the project being over-budget? If you’ve got the time (and an active internet connection, obviously), mosey on over to www.makeyourpitch.net. That’s the LSU webpage that keeps fans up to date on the construction of new Alex Box Stadium, the ballpark where our rivals will play America’s Pasttime next year (on schedule, I must note). Almost a year ago, I pointed out that we have nothing comparable. No website, no ads. There is no obvious outlet for donations to the university, not for specific purposes, anyway.
We’re not just failing to keep up with the rest of the SEC financially, it’s like we’re not even trying. Ole Miss will never, ever match LSU’s money if we can’t ever proportionately match their efforts to excite the fanbase (and thus appeal to them for more cash). While their sidewalk alumni, students, and random ‘friends of the university’ can give money to the program they love with the click of a mouse, I have to come up with an extremely clever google search to even start the process of donating to Ole Miss. This is a joke, figuratively. But more literally, it’s a lack of talent at the executive level. I understand why an SEC school might focus its attention upon more wealthy donors, but not even attempting to reach out to its own fans?
Let’s get on the mascot subject. Our administration is apparently so cowardly, that they won’t even attempt to replace Colonel Reb. After alternatives were proposed that were, frankly, both frustrating and nationally embarrasing, we’ve stopped even trying. It’s Mr Clean, abiguously gay Colonel knock-off, or nothing. Going without one is not some new Ole Miss tradition that we’re all happily embracing. Is it really that hard? Our admin, who we pay to perform these kinds of duties, can’t come up with anything whatsoever for “Rebels” that’s not devoid of creative substance? Hell, I’d settle for letting them blow too much cash on outsourcing the task if it actually meant we got decent results.
To truly feel like Ole Miss is run by morons, though, you can’t forget the zingers from Jeff Alford, Associate Vice-Chancellor of University Relations. You know, the guy who claimed he witnessed defecation in the Grove (never proved). The same guy who was responsible for the (warning: repressed memories may surface before end of sentece) daytime fireworks show that shook the stadium, blew up a transformer, and left us without PA, 2/3’s of our scoreboards (jumbotron included), and all other electricity-powered applicances in the North, South, and East ends of the stadium during a 44-8 loss to Arkansas. The fact that Pete Boone would let this man orchestrate and execute such a travesty is a testament to Pete’s lack of good judgement. Hell, the fact that there’s not a restraining order keeping Jeff from the Grove and Vaught-Hemingway is amazing.
So let’s summarize. As fans, we’ve seen a few questionable coaching hires, limp-wristed fundraising, embarassingly poor handling of public relations, and a complete disdain for opinions that don’t come from rich donors (plenty besides mine, too). Ready for the punchline? We just gave the idiot in charge of all of this a damn raise. Pete Boone has showed us once again, that it’s not what you know, it’s who you know. I hope those responsible for giving him a raise love him more than they respect the University, because Ole Miss could certainly do better. Like an athletic directer is rumored to have once told a great coach who then quit, “I was in banking a long time. If I hired a $13,000 teller and she worked for me for 20 years, she’d be making $20,000. But I’d still just have a $13,000 teller.”
Every time Pete Boone pats our wealthiest alumni on the ass, he simultaneously slaps the rest of us in the face. We’re so used to doing things the way we always have, we’re turning a blind eye to mediocrity and cronyism (yes, cronyism) while a once-proud football team continues to struggle just to make forward progress. We’re ignoring the fact that our basketball stadium, embarrasingly reputed as the worst in the conference, leaks during rainstorms. “But, but, it’s ‘intimate’ and ‘intimidating!’” Sooner or later, we gotta realize that it’s not in Ole Miss best interests to hire almost Ole Miss grads exclusively.
It pains me to even think about what our fanbase puts up with. It pains me worse to think that we essentially support it. Our AD swims in pay raises while our basketball team swims on its home court. We are. Ole Miss.
